you.need.to.comb.your.hair.

There's a girl at my work that feels the need to tell me almost every time she sees me that I need to comb my hair. To be entirely honest...and incredibly blunt, it fuckin' pisses me right off. At times, a friend of hers that works with us as well will feel the need to chime-in in agreement, which makes me feel even more murderous. I've explained to them both that combing my hair the way they think it needs to be combed is essentially like giving myself a haircut, and that it's not going to cause my hair to behave as they would like. The one tried to argue that if I combed it every day, it would get better, but I firmly silenced this nonsense by briefly explaining the science of black hair. Not that I feel I had to, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that my lively kinky-coils are different from their dead-weighted silken locks, but some people are just ignorant.

While the one was silenced by explanation, the other was not. What get's me about this girl is she was one of the few who supported my decision to cut off all my hair in the first place! I guess it grew in too kinky for her liking. The funny thing is, this bitch ain't even white, so how dare she subject me to beauty standards that she herself will never measure up to! Finally, a few days ago I lost my damn cool, and embarrassed her in front of enough people that hopefully a long lasting impact will have been made:

"Leave my fucking hair alone! Its not your fucking hair, its my fucking hair, and you may not like it, but I fucking love it, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!"

Silence. Laughter from my other co-workers happy I finally told this girl to shut up (she was being generally obnoxious that day) and amused by the obscene number of times I had used the word "fuck". Than someone asking, "Are you being serious?"

"Yes. I am being serious."

Maybe it was harsh, but why the hell am I having to defend the way I wear my hair to anybody? Especially to someone I work with, it just seems rather ridiculous does it not? Ridiculous, but not surprising.

I knew by cutting my hair and wearing it natural that I was doing something very radical from the start. A black woman's hair can never just be her own, everyone feels that they have some say in how it should look. I've known from a young age to expect unwanted criticism of my hair, and have it dictated to me by people who had no business doing so on how I should style it.

But enough is enough. My hair is mine, my hair is beautiful, and I will wear it how I want to, with pride, and simply not give a damn what anyone thinks any more.

Today I was riding the bus, and this black girl kept sneaking peeks at me when she thought I couldn't see her. I saw her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. She may have been thinking "how dare that bitch wear her hair like that and act like she's somebody" or maybe she was thinking "huh...natural hair can look good." Judging by the expression she wore, I'm betting it was a bit of both. No matter which it was, my hair got her thinking. Did you know, natural hair is contagious?

Hair inspiration found at my new fav spot to stalk: lecoil

Right now I'm listening to:

Leo Di in ♥ with Chocolate?

I don't know about love...but he does seem to be enjoying himself some CHOCOLATE GODDESS!!!!!!!!!

When I was a little girl, some kid at camp told me my crush on Leo was pointless, because he would never date a Black woman...

All I can say now is, "HAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHA...U WERE WRONG, BLACK WOMEN ROCK!!!!!"

Oh, and she's a dark skinned chocolate dyme...even better!

A P.S.A. from Megan Fox

Megan Fox Public Service Announcement - Watch more Funny Videos

All I can say is "wow"!!!! Megan Fox just earned some serious points in my book!

Default

Source: TheFreeDictionary.com

I recently started playing a Zynga game on Facebook called Roller Coaster Kingdom. Much to my annoyance, I quickly discovered that not only were all the characters white in the game, but there was also no way of changing this either. I was stuck with the default. Having played other Zynga games, I've noticed a trend with them being unable to get their characters of colour right. In the game Yoville, it took many months before they finally fixed the bug that wouldn't allow characters of a darker hue (no matter how many times you would try to choose the option, the character would always revert back to the colour of sand). They have still yet to make afro hairstyles available for female players, although male players can choose to sport one if they so wish.

As a woman of colour, I am well aware of the fact that I am the alternative, and not the default. I am well aware of the fact that in being so, my physical traits are considered by the mainstream as less refined, less beautiful, and simply not as good. Its an issue that many little black girls, and grown black women (and those who straddle the bar) are left to come to terms with on a daily basis. I would be lying if I said I never doubted if I was beautiful, or ever wondered if I was treated differently based on how I look. Looks shouldn't matter, but human beings are visual, and the world is a very superficial place.

The thing is though, lost within all the hype about how great it is to be the default, is the fact that the default is boring! I'm not trying to put down those who fit perfectly into that mold, in fact more power to you for being born so perfect. I just feel that for the majority of us that were not born so blessed, trying to press ourselves into that same mold just because we are told its the best way to be, knowing deep down that we will never quite fit is incredibly stupid. Differences should be celebrated, not chastised and destroyed.

Take the example of Beyonce and Solange. Bey is your typical wannabe default, and she does a damn good job of cramming herself into that mold it must be noted...but she is very replaceable. There are a million and one defaults waiting to snatch up her spot under the light and take away her shine at any second. I'm sure she works very hard to maintain her default appearance, but why? When looking at her sister it is obvious that both women were the recipients of some good DNA. I know many will probably disagree, but I think Solange in her natural state has finally managed to out-shine her sister. Basement Baby wins this one, hands down.

When pics of Solange's new do first surfaced, I couldn't get over the ignorant comments people were making. Some even claimed that because she was a celebrity, that her wearing her hair natural didn't matter. I disagree. It matters.

When I was in highschool, I cut all my hair off for the second time in my young adult life. I don't remember ever really thinking anything of it until one day, some punk-ass white boy made a comment to a friend about not wanting to hang with a girl who had less than an inch of hair. Why she passed the comment along is beyond me, but needless to say it did its damage.

For the next 5 years, I hid behind wigs and weaves, despite the fact that I yearned for the last 3 to be rid of them. Finally, a couple of months ago I got up the courage, and the fake b.s. along with a considerable amount of my hair went bye-bye. And I couldn't be happier about it. My style inspiration: Amber Rose

I really don't give a crap what anyone thinks about this woman, she looks hot. Seeing her short hair made the wanting of my teeny weeny afro back unbearable. It wasn't just simply copying a trend for me, but a reclaiming of my natural image as being beautiful. Sure, it took seeing it on someone else for me to come to my senses, but that's ok, because I eventually did get my head right.

As much as I would like to fully agree that one can not be proud of something they have no say in, in the real world this simply is not the case. Maybe in some future utopia we will get to that point, but it hasn't happened yet. The reality is that people are proud of all sorts of things they have no business taking pride in. Not only are people proud for silly reasons, but they also make others feel shame for things out of their control. It can not be argued that we as black beings are discouraged from taking full esteem in ourselves. Praying on the differences of others is a money making business. While we continue under a fake veil of bought confidence, selling fake hair and dangerous chemicals to black women is making others rich.

So despite it being a flawed concept, I believe the only way we as black women will find balance in our lives in regards to our appearance is if we quit trying to be the default, and take pride and celebrate being the alternative. Because nobody else can do it for us, we're the only ones that can make the choice to be loved for who we are.